randomly.

i just feel like writing something - just for no particular reason.i'll just randomly write the whats-been-happening and stuff.and maybe let you make what of it.or not.

well,this sitting at home is obviously killing me,but maybe there's something to it.you see,throughout these one month or so,i pretty much don't know why i'm still actually alive and breathing.i mean,i spend the whole day just doing something either useful for others(like helping with the chores) or very useless (to say the least,watching the tv,even a cooking show).

if you people actually read the newspaper,or heard about it,there's this woman who gave up on living,and just spend the whole time,days,months(years?) sitting on her sofa and watch tv.first,she didn't want to get up,then she really couldn't get up.then,she really rot to death there.

(yes.now,no more talking to about rotting at home ehh.)

anyway,about staying home for quite a number of months now,i think there's really more to it - like maybe this is just temporary.to be optimistic,and also according to yana,maybe my being at home is a "blessing in disguise".cik sam was having some leg problem,and i could help her out some way or another.go to buy the groceries,or fetching the kids from school.and there's me to accompany cik sumi for her long chemo session - to buy her lunch etc.

and when i got the rejection letter from ngeeann yesterday,tho there was some fallacies and half-hoping it's accepted,i was kind of relieved i didn't get it.

no,this is no false bravado.i really was relieved.i mean,info-comm technology?i don't see myself enjoying it in the future.(my heart is set for a business admin!!)

and ite?the one i desperately didn't want to be in,and also disagreement from concerned friends who think i won't fit in too well in ite.

well,let's just say it's my only hope now.just so i can move on with life,like everyone else.

if you people bother to scroll down and read the previous entries,where i wrote about school stuff,and the revelation of my desperate-ness to want to go poly and all - to say the least,i was not in my right frame of mind. i didn't make wise decisions,and being ever fickle.

well,now it's over.i know what i want,and i'm working for it.

thank god for that,really.

maybe these long months have not been wasted.i got to know what i really,really really want,and i know the ugly side of myself a little better - fickle,indecisive,too emotional,cares too much about what others think,and very very VERY,jealous.(!!)

and hopefully i can change that ehh.-____-

(of course,maybe a healthy jealousy wouldn't hurt kann)

alright,i think i'm done.for those who are still reading this,thank you.

i know,this post is in a serios mode.and kind of boring,for your liking.but then again...

this is a free world,i can write anything i want.


cheers.=)