i'm nonchalant

the whistling blow of the wind was just peaceful.the cool weather was perfect for a nap.it's like as though i'm in a recorded video.and by going to nap,i'm actually pressing the "pause" button,and escape from the problems and issue.you know,just get caught up in my own reverie,away from everything else.

i wanted to get into bed,enjoying the serenity,but i couldn't get my minds off it.

i find myself in a series of unwanted flashbacks,and wanting to go back there again, and just redo everything once more.yes,i wish.if only i was back in school again,and could see things in perspectives.if only i keep hellboy's serious mein,and perspicuity in mind,and treat it as a threat and a challenge.if only i am pertinacious about what i want,and not be so fickle.if only i could stress myself out a little more,and not give up too easily.

if only.

and all that just made everything so worse.there's a surge feeling of regrets,and huge tinge of guilt.

and all is just too late,isn't it?

now, like the title on the ite booklet i just received today - "moving on."

yess,i just have to move on now.


and there's just nothing i can do more.





maybe, of course, just pray for that last slim chance of a taste of poly life.=)

reality check

HI DEAR NUR IYLIANI BTE OMAR

We regret to inform you that your appeal is unsuccessful.We have notified you through this email as provided sometime last week.

Thank you for your interest desperate-ness for in Temasek Polytechnic.

Regards Regrets
Student Services & Admissions
Temasek Polytechnic


now,why am i not surprise by that?hmmph.mus told me she got it yesterday,so i reckon i should get it soon.yay?and i'm not even feeling like sad,or being dumbfounded. maybe just a little disappointed,but it's okay.-____-(yess,i'm putting on that false bravado front.) i still have that ngeeann poly result to look forward to,right? anddd..i have got everything figured out,so i'm not really depressed or anything.

i can't imagine myself being in tp,anyway.(in fact, i didn't want tp for a poly in the first place) =) yess,i'm making myself happy,so shut up ehh.=)

oh,that "hi" word was just bugging me.it sounded too informal,so yeah,i altered the letter.hee.-___-


i'm just thinking,its just somewhat pathetic,my life.i mean,here i am,trying to be optimist and all,pretending everything is under control.and me trying to "keep my heads up high",and never look crestfallen,or defeated.and i have some unnecessary irritating uninvited people who keep putting me down.

mr uncle says - "when you get your result?"
ms aunt says - " i told you so"

gahh,what is with people?

i'm cheating myself if i say i'll feel content if i have some school to go.even if it's ite.no.i don't want to just go to some school and lead a miserable life.i want something more.i want something that i'd love doing the rest of my life.

but that's the problem - i don't know what i want.

i mean, really.which 17 years olds know what they want to do ten years from now.(maybe just some,but not me.)

alright.enough abhorance.

maybe someday,i'll realise that this is really nothing compared to other problems.maybe i should just breathe some air,get a life.just lighten up a bit.

i should make this situation a lesson,and not waking up from my own little reverie one day too late,and realise that my future is crumbling right in front of me,while i was blithely not aware of the real world.

enough of mellowdramas,trying to figure out my life.

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again,this time more wisely"

i'll keep that in mind.=)



and to dear farah hor :
thanks for the four-days-ago "Chin up,and don't lose faith" tag. it really means very much and i'll always remember that.=)




you know,sometimes,when you say something very wise,it really, really makes so much sense tauu.hee

super silly superheroes.

yess,i'm blogging again now - like i always do,every other day.=)

and i really have nothing to blog about today,cos nothing interesting,funny or weird happened,till now.(not that anything interesting,funny or weird had happened before,but yeah)

so the question is - what shall i blog about today?

i have to/need to/must blog today,because i'm basically bored.and blogging is the only thing that can make me sane,for now.=) it's just not about pressing the keyboard and type craps.it's really more than that!!!(but i can't think of anything right now.hee.)

hmmph.so lets start with the what-happeneds thing.

what happened today? nothing much.=) woke up late,some morning blues.didn't send or fetch haidar like i always do.because...brother's at home today!!

:o

all i did today was accompanying cik sam with the marketing.and watch "dumb and dumber (when harry met lloyd)" vcd.funnily dumb show.ahak ahak.-__- done with that,bro decided to watch the batman movie vcd.gahh.and haidareh was all excited and wanted to watch it too. i don't wanna watch that show!!

yeah,they ignored my argument!!gahh.now they are so engrossed into it,they even ignored cik sam's shouts.haiyoh.what really is so great about batman!!!it's a stupid dumb show.more dumb than dumb and dumber. i prefer spiderman better.if you really think about it,batman just depend on his stupid gadgets.and i hate superman,just cos he wears underwear outside.it's just silly,you know.

so yep,spiderman is better.though climbing walls and making webs doesn't sound superheroic,he is sane enough to not wear underpants outside.and his costume is super cool.-____- and erm,tight.

okay omg.why am i babbling about superheroes,again?gahh.i'm going bonkers!

hhahaahhahahaha!!!!!!

oh,you know,yesterday,after watching "the biggest loser", i just figure out something. i am going to help make haidareh lose out some weight!!and he's going to be my personal challenge!!hee.=) this is so that i make sure i use my time wisely,and usefully.-__- wahahahaha.poor lucky him,i have so much time.i'll make sure he have a hot bod (and maybe muscular?) for a 5 year old kid!!!ahak ahak.=)

he's already working on the "twist and shape" machine while i'm typing this!!!hehe.

i like my new job,baybeh!!!!

okay,this post is super long for someone who don't have anything to blog about.

tsk tsk.

and this entry's going nowhere.

ho ho ho.

cheers?

i'm a desperado.hee.

i woke up early in the morning,and the smell of morning fresh air was evocative of my school days.and thanks to that,i couldn't sleep back.so,that means,while all you lucky people were all fresh and ready for school,in the bus or whatever,i was having a difficult time trying to get back to sleep.haiyoh.

God,i miss school.again.gahh.

speaking of school,i know i sound stress out yesterday.but yeah,i'm okay already.for now.hee.(see i'm smiling wide wide..) -____- i shall not be stress out about anything whatsoever got to do with school stuff.cos,i just figured out what to do with my life yesterday,after i posted that depressing entry.

i did what a desperate person in her right mind will do...i called the school.=)

and they said the latest they will give the answer is next week.but i'm not getting my hopes up high.thennn,i called ngee ann poly(which i forgot that i actually asked for an appeal there!).they said that the result would be out only in mid-april.so i pretty much have a chance.just a slim one.but who cares,a chance is a chance.=)

IF the poly thing doesn't work out,then i have a plan B.(chey,like real ehh.heh.) -_- maybe i'm going to take higher nitec at some ite,and at the same time,be a pte candidate,which means that i have to work my butts and brain off,anyway.and i have no complains whatsoever.heeeeee.

yess,i'm a desperado.ahak ahak.=)

okay,i think i'm done stressing out over the holy poly.i have one more little problem now.(yess,that's me,Miss Problem Never Enough) =) i have this unhealthy obsession.to chocolates.i just crave chocolates like too occasionally.there's loads of them in my kitchen,which my aunt hid from the kiddos.

and basically,it slowly disappears thanks to me.hee.=)

i'm a pathological chocolate-er.(chocolatian?chococuckoo?)

thanks to rotting at home.d[o__0]b

cheers.

rants

it's funny how reality knocks on you,only when it is too late.no,it's not funny.it's frustrating.it's more frustating when you know that you won't get what you want,because there is no second chance.to be optimist,maybe it's not meant for me.maybe it's not fated,and i have to accept it.

but no.i still have this hope.this false hope.that maybe,it will come soon,the letter.and i dutifully check the mail everyday.eventhough i ,and perhaps everyone,know that it won't come.it will never come.but i refused to give myself in.and i cheated myself.i refused to think of any options.none at all.because the thought of my plans going downhill,just hurts me.hurts my ego.

when people asked about it,i kept mum.sometimes brave myself,and give a polite "soon".(and i refrained myself from saying hopefully).maybe that was just to reassure me,not them.that's what i always did -put on a brave front.

just a false bravado.

when in fact,i needed support.some reassurance.for someone to tell me to do something,just something worthwhile.

just so i won't have to sit here waiting,just waiting for my future to befall on me.

i'm thinking,whether i should just wait for it.
or should i just move on,go to ite,which i really don't want to.and then take a higher nitec course,and just move on with my life?
or should i go through the whole process of studying for my O's again,trying for the better.i'm willing to do it,but i fear my capability,my endurance,just to go through it again.

what should i do?

i don't have the answer now.and hopefully,i have it soon.

my future seems to be entangled in a mess.and i need to sort it out..

very soonest-est.

gahh.

no cheers today.

blah.

failure to launch.

yesterday's movie date with farah hor was absolute funn.=) she postponed the time,cos of her tuition.and she told like a little too late,cos i was already dressed up.haiyoh.so i decided to go out a little late,just so i wouldn't be the one who waits.so yeah.i was a little late.hee.cheers,farah hor?

:o

we decided to go to cineleisure instead of lido.bought the tickets,then had our lunch at kfc.i was exceptionally full,for a meal with pathetic little burger and a chicken drumstick.-__- so the movie was not as bad as i thought it would be.and i didn't have any nachos to indulge myself with,in case it was boring.so yeah,i was a little worried before that.

the movie was besstt.(yes,farah.you told me so.shut up.)

after the movie we just walked along the long stretch of orchard road.talk alot.sit when tired.then walk again.yess,it was a good way to spend my saturday.hee.=) after too much walking,and lots of pictures taken(or,according to farah,camwhored.) we just sat behind the orchard mrt.and,erm,camwhored again.talk talk talk.

loads of catching up to do.like been awhile since we went to town,just two of us ehh.and i didn't realise i missed her and her babbling that much till yesterday.heh.=)

she talked about nosehair incident.
about being one of hellboy's juniors.(i told you so,farah hor)
about her other friends.

and how,one of them said "you friends with her?",referring to me.stupid question.according to him,i look too innocent,or rather "saint".and she looks like budak hanyut.and we don't look like friends.what more,bestfriends.

of course,we don't look like friends.we don't have to look like ones.we ARE friends.haiyoh.it's kind of shallow how people choose their friends by their looks and all.at least farah is REAL.she don't have to give me a big fake smile,friends for awhile,and then disappear.

you know how some friends are:

they grab your hand,offer a handshake,pull it hard,threw it on the floor,stepped on it with their high heels,spit on it,shoved it in the oven,and cooked the shit out of it.then they sliced it into little pieces,slammed it on ahunk of toast and serve it to you,and expect you to say,"thanks friend.it was delicious."

yess.i made that up.if you don't understand it's okay.don't try to.

okay,so yesterday was beeesssttt.-_____- hehe.

here's the all the pics!!!



















blur.

us.

















i swear i don't know what she was trying to do.















yess,i made her do it.

and here's all the silly pictures.hee.

wo de meimei, farah sewel.=)

and i have to go home now.

awwwww.

:o

congrats nisah.

omg.i just find out that nisah just got her result.which means,that i should get it because i applied same course with her same day,same time.which i haven't get.which means i should panic now.God help me please.

nisah,congrats congrats.now that your waiting is over,panic with me cann.
pray for me,pray for me.

and don't sleep tonight.
cos i can't,thanks to you telling me you get it already!!!

haiyoh.

not that you'd actually listen to me.

but congrats anyway.
gahh.

short

this is going to be short.

finished my novel after 4 hours.
went marketing.
fetch haidar.
ate some twisties.again.
and i'm watching some who's line is anyway? videos at youtube.com,and having a good laugh.=)

can't wait tmr movie date.update soonest.

:o

cheers.

the fart/the prisoner/the scv and the tv

i think this post is going to be long,so brace yourself ehh.

first of all,to put it short,i wanted to blog about yesterday's mandarin class yesterday,but it was too late at night already.so yeah.i think i'll just make it short here,tho it's not as funny as it was yesterday,and does not have the lasting impact like yesterday...i'll still blog about it here,so i can share with you people one of the funny times in my sordid life.here goes.

i farted loud in class.in an air-conditioned class!!!

:o

hee.it was so funny.it goes pruuutt.( not prooot) hahahha.and the thing was i didn't feel embarassed about it.i mean like,when it happened,it sounded so obvious.not a soothing sound but still,it didn't go and sounded like popping popcorns.let your imagination go wild.=) so yeah.it was good.sis said it sounded cute,actually.so it wasn't that embarassing to me.it was rude.but yeah.it was an involuntary action,just a human nature.so i'm not sorry for it ehh.huhu.

at least i "spiced up" the half boring class tauu.contributed to the unlively state of the class.you can't control what can happen in a class where you study foreign language,at night.if you can't catch up,you might just doze off.hee.

and because of my erm,outstanding contribution,some of us had a laugh.a good laugh.that is,for good 45 minutes till the class ends.

yeah.we didn't concentrate that much after the farting fiasco.oops?

gahh.

okay,okay,i'll just leave it at that.=)

now,today i accompanied cik sumi to the hospital,like the other day.yeah,i was all prepared.actually i indulge myself with the novel only.i didn't even need the discman.=)

first we go to SGH,which was nothing much.it was not long,so i just read my manja mag.finished the whole mag just in time till cik sumi finish her radiotherapy.oh,there's this prisoner guy who came there for checkup,escorted by two beefy hulk hogan kind of policemen.i got all excited!!hehe.because of the prisoner,i mean.he was all handcuffed,and in the orange prisoner suit okay.don't play play tauu.

after that,we went off to KK hospital.now,here's the long treatment.5 hours!!!but nevermind.like i said,i was all prepared baybeh.=) i read my novel.but there was some irritating distractions.loud-talking aunties,an ex-nurse-turn-patient talking loudly about her experience and talk about death.(basket,right?like that would help the patients) so i sat for one hour,listening to their babbling.have a lunch-alone (sad huh?) after that i wandered around for awhile before headed back to the waiting area.read my novel,had a stiff neck,and gave up.

i ended up sitting at a much much more comfortable place.

at the patient's seat,in a room,for chemo patients.goddamnit they have a personal tv,with scv channels,and the seat is like the one in dentists,the lean-back seat.whoo.enjooyyy.-____- ahak ahak.

ho ho ho.

and i won't mind accompanying cik sumi again and again and again.hee.=)

:o

i had a great time lahh.

cheery deary berry cherry weary cheers!!!!!


to farah hor: we scratch nosehair's car one of the days kk.=)

best best best.

today is the best weekday ever.=)

besides the cool weather which helps to soothe my mood,i pretty much enjoy myself today.nothing much done,tho.just helped out with cooking only.and after that watched some tv.Sons of Mistletoe.nice afternoon movie.so yeah.i was not bored at all.

and it really helps that haidar was being a sweetheart lahh.shared twisties,his vitagen,and played some puzzles.he watched tv with me.and we made up some stupid handshake,which is silly billy nilly.heh.

and he said to me,"syiok lahh,you tak school.boleh amik i,boleh main ngan i.i suka you tak skola tauu..."

i love haidar rauf for being a darliiinnnggg...=) huhu.

for now,i think i'll just act like everything is hunky dory.just perfecto.too much self-depression (if there's such a word) is really bad for health tauuu!!!-____-

and tmr,i'm accompanying cik sumi for chemo again.it's okay,even if i'm alone.=) i'll be much much more prepared this time.maybe buy some sweets.and bring my discman,still-waiting-to be-read-novel,maybe the sudoku book.i have to be prepared.this time, iqah's not going to be there to entertain me.aiyoyo...

:o

annddd...hopefully i can get away sats,for a movie date with dear farah hor.she's got her hair cut,so i'm super excited to see it "live"!!!!hee.=)

okay.i think i'm done.

cheers me-yers. =)

a beautiful reverie.

Iyliani makes her way out of her house.She bids her mother goodbye,kissing her hand ,for blessing to start the day.She then gave some instructions to her maid,Noni,on the day's bouts."No dinner for me,just cook up something for yourself and Ma'am.","and don't forget Ma'am's medicine too.","Now I'm runnning late already,go lock the door okay.Bye."Noni nodded her head,familiar with the routine.She closed the door as soon as her employer was out of sight.

Iyliani leaves her executive apartment,and went to the carpark where her white Merc was parked.She drove around the corner and stopped at the nearby cafe,craving for some hot coffee,to start the day.Near the entrance,she saw a woman who looks familiar.That woman was standing there,looking at her.She then walked over to Iyliani.

"Hi,Iyliani?",she said."Remember me?It's me.Remember secondary school?Me,fatty,you maggi.haha.I was such a bitch,ain't I?"Iyliani just gave her a smirk.She then replied,"Bitch?No,I'm really sorry I don't remember you.NO.Actually I'm not sorry.I really have to run now.So goodbye,I hope I never see you again,erm,what's your name again?so long!!"


now that's a beautiful reverie.hee.=)

sweet indulgence.

i'm getting sick of this kind of life.there seems to be something missing here.suddenly the thought of waking up late in the morning just doesn't excite me anymore.and sleeping in the late hours at night,too.i seem to live in my own little world,where the everyday routine is the only reason i live for now.

i'm a teenager,but i feel like i'm living like a housewife.what with all the housechores,kids,and marketing.i spend everyday looking forward only to reading the newspaper.or start the day with going to the supermarket,surrounded by the hassle and crowd.all aunties and old women,who are busy browsing through the vegetables.or making decisions on which fishes to buy.or buying some milk.yadda yadda.

it's driving me crazy.

i find myself being morose at the slightest hint of disarray after spending the day cleaning the house.and about school.waiting for the result is crucifying.everyday,i can't help going downstairs just to check the mailbox.though i know,it's not there.the fervour of getting the result just overwhelmed me.

can't wait to get it done and over it.

i can't stand living like this anymore.not being happy,even in my own house.

and if i'm not feeling really good.moody,tired or whatever,i just had to grab something and just eat.yeah,its a bad habit,but i think it's about time i gain some weight huh.doesn't help that i'm feeling lifeless.so i indulge myself in any food i crave.sweets,snacks and chocolates.lots of the chocolates.

i love it so much,i think i can survive with only it.=)

now,i'm not going to sound depressing for all you people.

i just think that my life is beyond mundane,monotonous and stagnant.it just doesn't have any purpose.

The purpose of life, is to have a purpose in life.

i always think of life that way.

and i don't think i have any purpose.for now.

cheers?

i can't just pretend that everything is hunky dory and give a fake smile just so people won't worry about me and would be happy.but till that day come, i guess i'll just have some patience,and just take everyday one step at a time.
patience is a virtue kann.=) (and that smiley is to sound happy)

okay lahh.maybe i'm being too hard on myself.but anything...i can't wait for dear besties to save me from this gallow of depression.

let's just say i'm desperate to enter the social world.because right now, i am a living corpse.

toots.

cheery deary cheers??

long day.

today was super tiring lahh.after jamiyah we went to bugis,for i don't know what.first of all, i don't know why i tag along in the first place.1) i was tired.beat.and worn out. 2) i really have nothing to buy, since as you all know...i don't have a *bleeping bleep* life. 3) i'm not in a mood to go shopping for anything.what more in bugis,where there's a long stretch of shops from bugis junction to bugis street to the OG.gahh.i knew mom would want to cover the whole place.

but no.i feel obliged to tag along.just.partly because no one was home.

and so it was boring.and i tried not to be obviously bored to death.(hey,according to yana,she was having fun.cheers?) it's just me.not them.aghh.

so anyway after the super long walk,and nothing much bought by me,we finally finally headed home.=)

in the bus,after a long tiring day,we took a bus home.anndd...there's this two mats at the end of the bus,talking so loud,as if there's no other people in there.there's always "sial" in all the sentences they said,so it was super duper freaking irritating!!!

yana text-ed me as she was sitting way in front of me.(well,worth the money,when you want to bitch about people ehh.heh.)

yana: Irritating MATS.
me: sial siol sial. SHUT UP.
yana: -waves pom pom-
me: waves pom pom,do kallang wave,clench our fist,stretch out hands,stuck out the longest finger you've got,turn around,and give a smirk.

cheers?

Pfft.

missing persons.

omg.i'm like missing everyone i ever known.don't ask me.but yeah,weird ehh.

i miss the pri 4 batch.we were like the group.very loud.and have the weirdest people.and everyone clicked very well.and the malay people dominate the class.like kampong kampong like that.heh.

i miss my pri 6 batch,who are much much (much) more kecoh.loud.and crazy bunch.like makcik makcik like that,we all.hahahha.=)

i miss farah hor,my lunch/movie and everything else partner,like hell and heaven combine.

i miss shuhui,my angel in disguise(chey),my sister chinese version and The Wise One,that i try to text her everyday,just so she won't forget me.

i miss my sister,cos she's like really busy right now,and always look too tired out during weekdays.so she can't rot with me.

i miss liana anak atan.cos i need someone crazy and sweet to spice up my life.ahak ahak.

i miss school.more than anything else.(though this is an 'everything' not 'everyone')



and i miss being a kid.=)

gahh.

therapy-ed.

i'm beat.

today was super slacking plus tiring.i was up and out of bed at freaking 7am.which is like not normal,considering that i usually wake up around 9.well,the reason was i had to accompany cik sumi to the hospital for her chemotherapy.

it was actually a last minute plan,a favour asked by the makciks.and i was supposed to go out with dearest shuhui for our movie date watching dorm.so yeah.had to cancelled it.but takpe.family punye pasal ehh.=) so anyway,finally after awhile,i had to wake up early.and i have a huge problem with that.the cold shower did some help,but i was still yawning in the car.haiyo.

when we reached the KK hospital,cik sumi was already being called in.after that,the time just swift by.tho really slow.lucky iqah-ek was there to keep me company.<3 she warned me that it could be almost 4 hours,so i came all prepared.my new novel.some cds and my discman.=) hehe.i swear it was freaking long.i could barely read through like 3 chapters of my book.it was super bored,and i was not really comfortable sitting there.when you lean back to the seat,there'll be this creak sound.(basket.)didn't help that the hospital was too quiet.gahh.enough of the book,i listened to taufik cd.complete with iqah as the background singer.hehe.then,listened to my r&b collection.done with it,it was like only 11/2 hour passed.shoot.there was some magazines at the rack,and it was all like outdated.aghhh.tot op it all off...the tv,which i got all excited when i saw it (so i know i won't get bored easily.rightt...) was showing cna.of all channels.and it the news kept repeating,which is pretty stuypidly irritating.

well,this is nothing.better than rot at home,um,right?

well,patience is a virtue.

at 12,cik sumi was still at it,but she gave us 15 bucks to buy some lunch.so off we go to McD's.whoo.i like.i like.i like.=) had a fillet meal as always,and some sundae ice-cream.thenn we went wondering around the hospital for awhile before went back to the waiting room.by then,cik sumi was finally done.yay-ness.

no,not finish.

cik sumi's sister drove by,and dropped us off to SGH,where cik sumi have another appointment for radiotherapy.that one was not too long.managed to browse through some mags which are much much (much) more interesting.=) done with that,we finally went home.cheers for me!!!hip hip hurray!!heh.

well,tho today is not really best.nor bad.....yeah.i had a good time.

to shuhui: sorry for the cancelled date.again again.i'll make it up to you soonest ks.=)

tall order

i just realised something.

everyone around me is taller than me.and i feel so short.not that i am.but still,if everyone around me is like towering over me,thenn...that makes me short.eventhough i'm not.

i used to have this "privelege" of being The Tall One.though not the tallest,but yeah,one of the tallest.i'm always one of the persons standing behind line.and the one who have to climb up the bench for phototaking.but still,being the shorter one when compared to my sister.the point is,i'm like neither short not too tall.

but now?no.everyone's like taller than me.even my primary 6 cousin,zuhai.(and i just realised that when i wanted to hug her,and i have to stand on my toe.sheesh.)

andd...my brother used to be the shorter one.or at least the same height as me.but now?no.i'm like the shortest one.and my sis is like the same height as him.and i'm the shortest one.just because i'm the youngest among them,doesn't make me have the right to be the shortest okay.

in case you're wondering...yeah.i drink milk.loads of them.i looovveee milk.but i'm still the short one.the dis-growable(if there is such a word.)and i hate it.

but then again.why whine God's giving.i'm neither tall nor short.and that's good,right?

i should be optimistic,and acknowledge that there are people shorter than me.people my age.people like my friends.some friends.a friend.

though shorter than me,but still short,she don't mind people calling her short.
um,right?

no offense hor,farah hor. (yay,tit-for-tat) =)

okay.i think i'm done.

let's make me feel good about myself.

i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall i'm tall

okay.i feel good.

dah.shoo.

i like.i like.

a day's bouts today:

-vacuum the house

-playing with the kids the newly bought bubble gun

-and get started on the 600-page thick book.

no wait,you don't snigger and say,i'm going to start to whine on my rotting time at home.again.
as a matter of fact, i finally,after a long long rotting time...had hell of a day today.

no,not bad hell.good hell.yay?

there couldn't be a better way to start a day than playing the bubble gun with the kids.hehe.it was at the playground,so yeah,it was super fun.ahak ahak.=) so it's been a long time since i stepped on the holy playground.heh.like 17 years old's considered old enough to not be in a playground,right? but no.how lame this would sound,but yeah.i was hanging out with kiddos,and that's where they go.so yeap.i felt like a kid.and i'm enjoying it.hee.i like!!!=)

so anyway,the whole day was not spent there,in the playground.i swear i won't survive it.i've outgrown the "shelter thing".the one you have to climb on so as to go down the slide?yeah,that thing.gee.i am big ehh.ahak.

so after that little playtime,i was back home.and continue with my storybook novel.basically i indulged myself in it the whole freaking day,believe it or not.it was too engaging.and i got too engrossed in my little world that everything around me just blank off.i couldn't even hear aunt shouting for me.heh.i was too engrossed into it,that when dear haidar asked me for help with his book,i asked him to give me 30 minutes to finish my book.not.he distracted me.sang to me.flirted with me.(?!) but i just ignored him.and finally,when he started to tease me with that erlin montel song(stupid stupid song) i kicked him out.oops.

gahh.i was that engrossed.

too engrossed that i didn't touchbreathe,shit the computer or the tv the whole day.for once.heh.

i like.i like.

yana said her friend have gotten her poly result today.
but no.
i don't care.
i don't want to worry myself .for now.
i'll just enjoy myself while the sweet free time is still here.

i'm enjoying rotting.FINALLY.

got a call from kak shikin from JBS,asking if i wanted a part-time job.
i said hell no.

cos like i said.enjoy enjoy enjoy.
while it last....

i like.i like.i like.i like.

for now,i'll start on the my new novel.

ahak.ahak.

cheers.

whoohoo.

yesterday,haidar's mini party was super fun.=) enjoyed myself with all the good food.there's loads of satay,and noodles.plus,of course the cake.i was totally enjoying the noodles and satay that i forgot all about the cake.heh.didn't even tasted it.gahh.

yesterday was like the best-est day lahh.

while the adults went off to buy stuffs for haidar till late afternoon,the kiddos were put under our "care".so it was really crazzziiieee!!! we ended up making noises,shouting like nobody's business.jumping and running around the house shouting like crazy.and laughing at ourselves.

we were like "dorang dah balik!!!ahh!!!rumah terbakar,rumah terbakar!!!" then just ran around the house acting frantic and panicky.hahahahahaha.

yeah,we went bonkers.hee.

but really fun lahh.=) cheers zuzu,iqak,and haidareh!!-_-

i love the kiddos banyak banyak lahh.<3

but for now,back to boredom world.weekdays are back. at least they are here to rot with me.and brighten up my rotting weekdays!!!

cheers? heh.

birthday boy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAR HAIDAR RAUF!!!

cheers ehh.i'm giving you the present in an hour's time.heh.
































yay.!!yabedabedoo!!ahak ahak.=)


huhu.

slack slack slack.

today was so very very (very) tiring.

we all woke up extra early.then slacked and watch cd.the makciks(except mum) were out early to attend a wedding at malacca.so yeah.today we rule the place.=) whee.

went to kfc to have brunch.had a zinger meal.burps.then send zuhai and iqah to tuition class,and we were off to expo for a bookfest.=) actually i was not that excited about it.my plan was to slack all the way today.but no.mum dragged everyone along.heh.i thank her for that lahh.we bought some presents for haidar.this transformer thing he's been bugging us.(though this thing is way way cheaper than the one he asked for,which cost 40 bucks)like hello,it's a sale with discount!!budget abes...heh.then we bought some other stuff like bubble thing,which comes with a gun.then got something else...so i think its like more than enough.and i hope he likes loves it.=) ...and i hope zuhai's not reading this,cos she might tell her brother.if she is already reading this,thennn she better not tell him,cos i'm going to kill her if she do.heh.:o

apart from the prezzies,of course,i bought 3 storybooks.i just can't resist all these storybooks lahh.ahak ahak.the ones i bought are all super super thick.whee.can't wait to get started on it,tho i haven't finish the other books i bought last time,also in a sale.heh.by the time we were done browsing through the whole 2 halls,my leg was aching.really bad.enough?no.

mum and bro decided to walk around somemore.haiyo.but luckily,me and sis were "spared".(okay,drama.)we sat outside the exhibition hall,and just face the people walking and rushing along the aisle.boring.we read through the hp brochure we grabbed at one of the stalls just now.(2 more months,and hello new hp.maybe.maybe not.)

finally done with that,we were off ,heading for home.and just in time for me and sis to fetch the kiddos from their tuition class.

the cold weather is always my favourite,with all the rain,and a good time for me to sleep.of course,that is,if i'm not out.but no,i was out.wanting to go home after fetching them.and the rain just wouldn't stop.everybody started irritating each other.including especially me.you see,first,my attempt to get stupid cabs to stop fail.then i get on everyone's nerves without realising it.gahh.

just when you need a cab,just one freaking cab.they are all gone.sheesh.on call,busy blah blah.or those mr cabbies are just blind.i hailed down like three cabs and none stopped.none.ugh.make my blood go upstairs!!!

:o

yeah,you can say that we were really really (really) desperate for a cab.finally after almost an hour,a whole wet dungarees and a huge irritating bickering,we finally got a cab.FINALLY.gahh.

and i'm writing this post now.

i think i'm done.=)

shoo.

thank you,mr cabbie smrt!!! i love smrt.heh.

burning sensation.

okay.my com is literally burning now.been using it since um,nine,believe it or not.
so yeah.
i'll spare it from being the victim of my boredom-ness.
i'll switch to the tv now.
it have enough rest already.

huhu.

to the people who want to rescue me from this boredom world,please.
just text me,and i'm out of here in a jiffy.
whoo.

oh,pay for my lunch and everything else ehh.

just a deed you can do to help me the nation.
you know,save the innocent ones from poverty.heh.

you know me: no school=no allowance=no money.

stupid equation.

goodbye lovely people.for now.

dejavu?

i just had a burping spree with dear haidar.basically,we finished off one pack of the goodie bag.the crunch choc,2 jellys,super ring,apollo,and the sweets.plus the vitagen he brought home from school.we shared them,like,each get half of everything.hahahha.=) burps.

it's early in the morning,somemore!!haiyo. :o

sheesh.if this goes on everyday,while i'm at home...not only will i rot at home.my teeth will,too.gahh.

something's been bugging me.

some people (some) keep asking me about holy poly.tho he/she knows that i'd get it in like three weeks,because he/she had asked me again and again before.it's annoying,but i shall not say that in his/her face.it's rude.but nevermind.maybe he/she just forget that they asked me the day before,and the day before the day before.and the day before the day before the day before.you know,maybe it's just age catching up on he/she.who knows.

yesterday was nothing much.in fact,it was so not much that i was lying in front of the tv almost the whole day.yay?gahh.after i logged off,helped out with some housework(chey.) before the kiddos get home from school.by thenn,so much for tv,i can never watch it.gahh.even missed my usual american idol.but not that i care so much about it.so yeah.

okay,now i don't know what to do...surprise surprise ehh.=)

hahahahahaha.(that laugh's for trying to sound very very (very) happy.is it working?heh.)

annnddd...let's all say it together now!!!

this is one of those many many (many) crap entries.
and it's going nowhere.so hah.
if you still reading this,thank you.-_-

i'll blog again if i feel bored.as usual.

sounds familiar?

huhu.

to farah hor: i finally read your public blog.haha.actually i prayed more than 78.234727% of my rotting time for you okay!!ahak ahak.and nah,its okay.you have your own crap to worry about,tho i really hope you would rot together with me.heh.
ps;yeah,we WILL go lunch out/watch movie/dance in the rain at town soonest.
pps;be strong ehh,about you-know-what.cheers,dong.=)

bored is a bad word.

when boredom strikes,anything seems interesting to you.

like the drama serial that you never watch.and the sudoku book that you gave up on last week,cos it needs too much of crapping of your brain.the thought of you just lying on bed all day staring at the ceiling,hoping it'd fall on you or something is just freaky.

but that's exactly what i did yesterday.of course after the computer was literally burning,and i decided i should be nice and not let it suffer with me.heh.drama sehh aku...

so yesterday,out of boreddom-ness(if there's such a word) i completed like about 10 puzzles from the sudoku book,in my effort of uh,be alive and moving.thenn..went to do some marketing.done with that,i got the tv burning for awhile.=) read the papers,attempt to start on zuhai's project which was collecting dust on my box,thenn as usual,fetch the kiddos.yay?

now,i'm thinking of doing the routine all over again.hahahha.(i'm trying to sound happy happy here,so that's why the laugh.heh) just helped out cik sumi with the packing-haidar's-bdae-goodies.yummy lahh.again,i stole some of the sweets and crunch chocolate.whoo.

by stealing,i mean smuggling the leftovers.with approval from cik sumi ehh.ahak.ahak.

so it's pretty obvious.i'm bored.everyone's at school,at least.and i'm stranded here at home trying to blog something decent.if only i'm in jc(which i never intend to be) i'd be in school by now.not here,crapping away in the virtual world,all by myself,trying to make sense out of this thing.gahh.

actually i don't mind being in jc,but just taking the general paper.hell,that sub looks okay. :o sis brought home a worksheet yesterday,and let me do it.anndd..one of the question goes:

A movie '_________' Mountain have won a number of awards,and have a _____ rating in Singapore.

goshh.if that's what the subject's about i'd like enjoooy myself !! for those who don't know the answer,uh,dok one corner korek idong sudah ehh.hahhaha.(shu i'll translate for you next time ehh.)

:o

okay,again.this is one of those many many (many) crap entries.
and it's going nowhere.so hah.
if you still reading this,thank you.-_-

i'll blog again if i feel bored.as usual.

cheers?

happy happy one.

these past few days have been really hard.very hectic,frustating.and torturing for me.it really made me realise how important my family,and dear close friends are to me.it taught me not to take things for granted,and just be strong,and work really hard.

i've learn that life is full of sacrifice.and to sacrifice,you need perseverance.and that needs confidence and guidance.and with confidence,i think i'll be able to achieve my goal.

okay,don't you get all weird with me.i'm feeling um,inspired,and more optimistic about things.so yeah.that's good,right?

cheers.=)

now i'll change topic.no more about feeling like a failure or anything.like i said i'll try to write about happy happy things.and what more better things to write about,than the joyous occasion coming soon!! =) dearest-est haidar's turning 5 in 4 days.whee!!!

but yeah.i haven't buy anything for him.(oops.) really have no idea what to buy for him.not another one of those toy cars me and sis bought him last year.the noisy toy car is somewhere MIA among those loads of toys chucked in his room.

i actually hate it. it was irritating with all the noise it made.the only best thing about it is the fact that it is like automatic.if it hit something,it'll like move back.you know,kind of like a reaction.and the doors and its top open and close automaticallyyay? it was kind of entrancing to me,believe it or not.hahhhaha.see how measely little toy cars could get me all excited!!!heh.=)

ok.erm,i'm not going to write about toy cars the whole of this entry.so let's stop it.

haidar's busy organising and packing the goodies he's giving his friends.aww.he's so very the excited lahh!!!hehe.there's some snacks in it.like super ring,apollo and chocolates.yummyyy!!! =p

i accidentally on purpose took one of the super ring.but don't tell anyone,hor.shhh...

i think i'm done.

bb.

dear people...

i wish i'm not boredddd.

i'm really really really bored right now.seriously got nothing to do.not even some decent housework.yeah,i want to whine right now.so those who don't want to hear all the baloney,don't bother read this entry.=)

so i'm rotting at home right now,with nothing better to do.and sick of the tv.and i'm using the com for the second time today,after barely an hour switching it off.i can conquer this thing till noon.cos yeah,everyone's at school,except me.yay?no.

and i'm not enjoying writing this entry,cos i really don't know what to write about.sheesh.nothing much been happening,just the havoc of the appeal thing,which i've wrote in the previous entry.went online and there are only some people.all with their nicknames stating how excited they are about their holy poly,and where they are going to.yadda yadda.

yes,i'm jealous.loser me.
gahh.

chatted with some people i never talked much with last time.yess...i'm bored.
replied some taggies from shuhui.
surf some webs.blog-hopping.play sparkyblue.

and i got bored,again.

i wish sis' back now,from school.so she can rot together-gether with me.ahak ahak.
i wish shuhui's not in school so i can go out with her for our long-awaited and delayed movie date.
i wish farah hor's not in school and can humour me or something.
i wish anak atan will send me some funny msgs so i have something to do.
i wish it's holiday right now.hell,i wish it's june holiday now.
i wish i'm back to school.any school.any school.

i wish.

they say wishes do come true.

uh,right?

and i have nothing more to say.

i'll be re-rotting at home for three weeks.
so for those "well-wishers" who have nothing better to do,text me.humour me,whatever.

cos you know,i'm bored.
dead bored to shitless-ness.

cheers?
nah.

shoo.

yadda yadda.

today was hardcore patience, some frustration and loads of mind-torturing.gahh.

so the day started with sis going to her jc orientation.and thus,reminding me about my poly thing.sheesh.thennn i couldn't sleep anymore,just lay in bed like a living corpse,just so that the uncle and aunt won't ask me about any thing associated with holy poly.

you see,i had enough of "interrogation" from people prying about my studies,and oh.how they are really "concern",and the only way to help is ask ask anddd ask.thanks.REALLY.so i locked myself in the room,to avoid them.=) yay-ness.i had a hell good of a time shutting myself from the outside hoo-haa,and just immerse myself in past magazines.cheers.=)

so anyway,back to today's bouts...get started on the appeal stuff.first to np with mom in tow.=) (she took day off for me tauu.aww.) it was a long journey of one freaking hour.and in an un-airconditioned bus somemore.sheesh.(the bus still exist ehh??)thenn...after applying for a pathetic one course,i went to sp,where nisah was waiting for me.it suck,this school.the cutoff point changed because of i-don't know-why.which means that i basically can't choose any courses there.which means i waste my trip there.which means that i totally waste my time there.thankyouverynotsomuch.

then mom went off to buy some stuff while i headed off with nisah to ljs.for luncheon.=) after a sumptuous meal,we finally head off to tp.gahh.too many people.and most people i recognise.yay?spent quite a lot of time there trying to find the perfect course.yeah,we chose the same course.but erm,i'm really not sure about tp.toots.

after that,went home with sis.=) to nisah,again,thanks for accompanying me today,beb.wah caya sama lu lah!! heh.

so tmr,i'm back to chores.be the newspaper girl.send and fetch the kiddos.do some marketing.and some good rotting while i still can.three weeks baybeh.=) ahak.ahak.tho,of course,sis won't be there to rot together.sheesh.

i still got loads to do besides worrying about holy poly.still need to watch some good movies with dear anak atan.and shuhui.and spend some "quality time" with them.aww.i miss them siaa.

to farah hor:say thanks to hellboy for making my wish came true,if you know what i mean.hee.=)

sick people.

just back from jamiyah.

so next week no class,maybe we are going kl.maybe not.so just now class was so gereks.the best-est class.ustad was so extra funny,though he blabbers too much.=) throughout the class most of the time, we were laughing terbahak-bahak.hahhaha.aww.i can't wait for the next lesson.i don't know why.=)

for anyone who have read the newspaper,and actually reads it,yeah.that missing girl nonoi was found yesterday.gosh.so pity right?two years old siaa.apparently the step father did it.actually "apparently' is not the word.he really did it.so yeah.i hope he rots in jail and be dealt severely.sheesh.ruthless man.aghh.

annddd,another hot news.for those who read the malay newspaper,under the nonoi report... "lelaki dipaksa kahwin kambing kerana 'hubungan intim'.yucks.for the sake of miss shuhui...it means..."man forced to marry a goat because of 'weirdly close relationship'.erm,something like that lahh eh.

that's like totally gross right?eww.go read it yourself.i was half way reading it then cannot take it.i stop.sis read it and had these few stupid but true questions,which i shall not write,cos erm,nc 16,i think.

just eight words.

what the hell is happening to this world??

to the man with the sick mind,and his erm,goat-of-a-wife...

may you live happily ever after?

huhu.

still sane.

i'm still racking my brain over it.but no,i won't bore you with all the baloney yadda yadda.i'm still thinking of any possibilities.the thought of going poly doesn't excite me anymore.and i don't know why.cik ain is also helping out to think of other alternatives.even suggested the institute of commerce.but i'm considering it too.it's like one or two years,then you're send for attachment and after that get a job.getting many opinions.and i'm still thinking about it.

cik yah was even suggesting of sending me to australia to continue my studies there.=) sweet,but no thanks ehh.ku anak jati singa-po-re tauu!! hehe.won't want to be away from family ahh.plus it'd be loads of money spent.gahh.erm,but for holiday caaannnn!!!whoo.=)

yeah.i'm still thinking about it and i have enough of this.hopefully it'd be dealt and done over with.soon.

i'm done with this.=)

foul mood

i'm depressed.and really piss at me.


too late for anything.
and some things are better leave unsaid.

rather than make you depress all over again.

but really.if you had read through my previous entries,during the pre-result times.those nerves and hints of regrets blah blah.

yeah,i'm feeling it.

but like i said,some things are better leave unsaid.

and please don't ask me about you-know-what.
it's annoying me.and there's high possibilty that i might strangle you to death.

cos you know,i'm depressed.

shoo,go spread the word.

Pfft.

weirdly weird.

gosh.i think this rotting at home thing is driving me nuts.
i had the weirdest dream last night.and i don't know whether to laugh or to cry.hee.

so it all sounds kind of stupid.hear this:

so i was back to sec school.and weirdly all the guys were wearing shorts.and the girls were with this big earrings and all.i can't make up who's exactly in it,but i know some of them.so the scene is like loads of students,at the back of the school.with cigars and some hard drinks.(whoa,huh?)so yeah.i was one of them,and we were happily drinking and make merry.like nobody's business.

thenn...mr neo came.with mr bang.
yeah,the principal and his little brother.
they caught us in action.and everyone started panicking.
so they run.
but i don't know why i didn't.
yep,i was caught.

here comes the stupid part...
the two bros didn't punish me or anything.
they,erm,drank with me.like nothing happen.
gosh,weird,i know.

hahahahahahahahahha!!!!

then,i don't know what happen.everything just go blank.haiyo.

freaky,you know.
first of all,i never smoke.or drink.
then,why the hell are the guys wearing shorts??(lower sec ehh??)
annndddd....why in the first place would neo and bang drink with me?sheesh.=)
and erm,is this suppose to be a nightmare or something?
cos i AM freaking out.

how weird can a dream be?

time now :after few hours, a lunch and a bath later...

you know,on tuesday i wrote "why doesn't everything comes for free?".well,that is like obviously a stupid question...as "lectured" by miss farz.(see the tagboard)

i refused to reply her tag cos yeah.i don't have the answer to argue.and anyway,it's a stupid question.bleahs.

but anyway,at least just now i get something for free.like whoo!! hehe.=) you see,in front of my flat there's this biiigg mango tree.and once in awhile the fruit will somehow drop off.and that's the time when you see people unabashedly throw stuff above there,just so some mangoes would drop off.and it always do,all juicy and tempting.=) so just now,all i did was just pass by it,and kaboom!! one of it drop off.(my third mango for today!!)whee.

so my point is...there's some stuff you can get for free.

and i shall not reveal my house address,just in case some idiots would hang around a mango tree.you never know what can happen in this world!!=)

i'll enjoy the mangoes now.

kids make me cuckoo.

i just hate this.

i hate kids.not generally.but just when they are bad.i hate it when they are acting like a spoilt child.eventhough they have the right to,since they are just tots.i hate it when they make me embarassed, howling and crying like mad,tho it's just a small problem.i hate it when they stomp their foot in public,to show their resentment and dissatisfaction.just because they don't get what they want.i hate it when they don't even appreciate your being there just to fetch them.i hate it when kids are being their bad selfs.

my patience was tested just now.and i lose it.

i swear i almost wanted to slap him in public.agh.i know i'm bad.but it gets to me.i just don't have the patience damn it.

and i'm sorry for what i did.really.not that you could read this or anything.but yeah.i'm really really sorry.
sorry that i hurt you.<3

but i will never,ever fetch kids from school anymore.just to keep me sane.

they make me go mad.
they make me tired.
they make me get irritated and annoyed.
they just make me go cuckoo.

i just hate kids, but i love them more.